The Four Horsemen of the Frustration Apocalypse

When things at work are going well, people celebrate the wins. When things go wrong at work, people rarely say, “Wow, I probably didn’t communicate that very well.” Instead, they blame the team, the culture, or that one person who “just doesn’t get it.” Cue the frustration and cue the call for communication training. Since my mission is to equip people with elite communication skills, I’m all about it. After years of working with teams, I’ve learned this: most workplace frustration isn’t caused by bad attitudes. It’s caused by a massive disconnect between expectations and effective communication.

Let’s explore the four horsemen of the frustration apocalypse. If someone isn’t meeting expectations, it’s likely due to one of the following. Spoiler alert, it’s rarely number four.

Horseman Number One - Ignorance

Ignorance is, hands down, the most common culprit. If a direct report isn’t meeting expectations, this is my first question. Have those expectations been clearly communicated? Being late is a great example. We are often irritated when others are late for work or late to meetings. This is a no-brainer, right? Everyone knows you should be at work by a certain time. Wrong! There can be wildly different interpretations concerning the appropriate time to get to work. If you haven’t overtly talked about it, and someone isn’t on-site by your time standards, they are likely ignorant of that expectation. Should they know? Probably, but they don’t. Your work is clear here; spell it out.

Horseman Number Two – Lack of Skill

If someone understands the expectation but doesn’t complete the task, you can bet they don’t know how to get started, or they lack the skill to complete the task. I had a client who was sent to me for coaching. Her manager was really frustrated with her because she hadn’t worked on what was clearly communicated. After talking with her, I learned that she didn’t know how to do what was asked, but she didn’t seek further instruction. She just stayed quiet and didn’t do it, which put her in a very uncooperative light. The silence was kind of a defense for her; it was a freeze moment. The insecurity was immediately apparent to me. But the lack of action was frustrating for her co-workers and killed her credibility. How can you tell the difference? Ask. If something isn’t getting done, you can ask, “Hey, is there a hold-up? Are you having trouble getting started? Or do you need some more information about ….?” Also, notice your thoughts about the situation. Are you making negative assumptions about motives or character? Check your assumptions and get some facts. The sooner you ask good questions, the less frustrating it will be for everyone. Sometimes asking questions at work can be difficult if the culture doesn’t create space for such. Someone’s insecurities can easily cause them to shut down instead of risking a bit of vulnerability.

Horseman Number Three – Lack of Consequences

Now THIS one is a biggie. Let’s put the first three horsemen together. If someone clearly knows what to do and how to do it but is still underperforming, then I immediately know that there are no consequences in place. If there are no consequences, then this action doesn’t register as a priority, because nothing happens if they don’t meet expectations.

Does this sound familiar? A direct report consistently submits subpar work, and you repeatedly edit, fix, rewrite, fill in the gaps, and do whatever else is needed before you are satisfied. While you send the updated work back to the underperforming individual each time, overall, the work does not improve. You may even have a conversation about doing better. But are there any consequences? Without appropriate consequences, people don’t change their behavior. Essentially, you are communicating, “It’s ok; I’ll fix everything for you. Nothing is going to happen to you at all.” While nothing may happen to the employee, your blood pressure, late work nights, and stress levels continue to go through the roof! Passivity is the killer here. If nothing happens, why would anyone change? If I could fit in my jeans without regular work-outs, would I work out? No. Would I drive the speed limit, or stay off my phone if I didn’t fear a ticket? No. And you wouldn’t either.

Now, I’m certainly not advocating for extreme consequences; that’s always a terrible strategy and limited to the fourth horseman. Firing is not the optimal outcome in the above situation. However, ask yourself if the individual is clear on expectations, has the skill to do the work, and what consequences would be reasonable for submitting subpar work. One appropriate option is to require the missing parts immediately. Communicate by email or in person what needs to be done. “This report has too many typos and is missing XYZ information. Since today is the deadline, I expect you to make corrections immediately and submit them to me by 4 p.m. If you don’t, we are going to have a conversation about competency. Any written work submitted to me needs to be the highest quality possible.” Adjust tone, wording, and communication channel as needed, but be clear and direct. In this situation, the consequences are that the individual is required to make corrections themselves, and that if they don’t comply, a more serious conversation will be necessary. No one has to be fired, but you are no longer accommodating poor work or neglecting your own work priorities by making corrections.

Horseman Number Four – Direct Disobedience

While direct disobedience is rare with the clients I work with, it does happen, and of course, should not be tolerated or overlooked. Lying, stealing, and cheating are deal breakers. I urge caution, but if you’ve thoughtfully worked through the three horsemen above and have indisputable evidence of direct disobedience, do what’s best for the organization, including termination.

If one of these horsemen is riding through your organization, don’t ignore it. I help leaders identify which horsemen are at play and put practical systems in place that increase accountability and performance. If you’re ready to move your team forward, let’s talk. This communication evangelist is here for you.

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